Monthly Archives: February 2008

London Journal – Day 8 – After The Rock

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First we have the whole Northern Rock scandal, and now this…

I just received this message from my sister, and I have to alert the local population:

A Message from John Cleese (British comedian)
To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

Holden Monaro’s are also approved.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British
Commonwealth- see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don’t try Rugby – the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen..

John Cleese

In case you haven’t followed it, Northern Rock is a BIG mortgage issuer who went belly up in the whole sub-prime mess.  It is a UK bank, and the government stepped in to guarantee their deposits late last year.  Well, that was their first mistake.  Now the bank has been nationalised (look it up) and that was their next mistake.  Sir Richard (Branson) is very upset, as he wanted to buy the bank on the bak of the tax payers for a pittance and rebrand it as Virgin Bank (aren’t we all sick of virgin this and virgin that yet?).

Imagine how upset the voters will be to find out that PM Brown has repossessed the colonies!

London Journal – Day 7 – One Thing Leads To Another

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So I had an email exchange with my friend KS and mentioned that I have slowed down my writing partly due to the problem of not having any suitable place so sit and type on my laptop.

“maybe you can go to a ‘charity shop’ and see if they have a cheap ol’ & easy to transfer table, chair you could decorate your pad with… or can you bring the chair from the deck inside?”

Well, there’s a thought.  This morning I made myself some breakfast and then went looking for charity shops in my neighbourhood who might carry such items.  Problem is that there aren’t any.  There are charity shops around here, but not that carry furniture.  Those that do are too far away to be practical.  Oh well.  I did have fun looking, and along the way I stopped in at an OxFam store that specializes in books and music.  They had a very nice travel guide for Prague, and that got me thinking…

A couple of days ago I was discussing with BW my foray to Portobello Road and she asked if I bought any Julius Dressler pieces.

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I collect ceramics from that Bohemian pottery, mostly from right around 1900.  I didn’t see any, but I was looking.  That is about the only thing I could justify buying here and bringing back with me.  “No, I didn’t,” I replied, “guess I’ll have to go to Prague and look there.”  Well, with my new found travel guide, it’s just Kizmet!

So, back at the flat after an exquisite tapas lunch (nothing like a Spanish waiter who is sprouting an English accent) I went ahead and booked myself a short holidaycentre.gif in Prague in a week or so.

Now, lest you think I am being rash, it is fair to say that I have really been thinking about this for awhile.  It was just the confluence of events which lead me to go ahead and do it now.  It just feels right.

I’ll be staying in the Jewish Quarter, not far from the Old Town Square for three nights, and I am looking forward to it.

I meant to write a lot more about various themes but I have spent the last 9 hours on a customer emergency and am now totally spent.  Thankfully I was able to get out earlier to pick up some groceries and some vodka, so I can finally relax (at 1:30 am!) and try to get some sleep.

Ta!

London Journal – Day 6 – A Bland Day Out

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Sometimes you should just stay in bed.  That was how I felt when I finally got out of bed around 11:00 Sunday morning.  I had been laying there listening to BBC4 for a few hours, and had heard enough Episcopalian prattle to finally get my arse up and on my way.

First off, I wanted to go to Sadler’s Wells to find out about getting cheap seats for the night’s performance by an Argentinian Tango group.

I had seen some adverts in the tube for Flamenco Festival London and thought this was it.  Sadler’s Wells is in Angel, in the borough of Islington, which is north and east of here.  Since there really isn’t a convenient tube route there, I thought to take a bus.  One that goes right by my door, the 274, goes loop-de-loop around north-central London and ends at Angel/Islington.  What a deal.  I went out the door and was hit full in the face with some wicked cold wind, and decided that a scarf would be a good idea.

Back in the flat, I could not find my scarf!  I looked high and low, but it was nowhere to be found.  Must have left it in some café or pub somewhere. Oh well, thank God it’s Sunday — Petticoat Lane will be open.  Petticoat lane is a portion of Middlesex Street in the garment district, the eastern part of The City of London (the old town boundaries) where the road is blocked off every Sunday for an open market.  I would be able to get a scarf there for cheap.

I went back out into the bitter cold and caught a bus.  The ride was nice, the bus is a much better way to see the city than the tube (you can quote me on that) but it does take a lot longer.  I finally got to Angel, and really liked the cosy atmosphere of the area, especially south along St. John’s Road, below Liverpool Street but still above Finsbury.  I could see living here.  It has that slightly edgy feel of an area that is not so much desirable as affordable.  Still quaint streets but also all of the conveniences and rather liveable looking.

I finally made the theatre only to find that they do not open their box office early for same day sales, so I was out of luck.  But by the same token, turns out that the show this evening is not the one I had seen advertised in the tube, that one starts in a week.

So, no loss.  Just some time is all.  Now to stroll down to the London Wall and over east to the far side of The City to Petticoat Lane.

Of course, by the time I got there, many vendors were taking up their stalls.  Wouldn’t you know it.  The early bird gets the worm, the late one gets the shyte!  I did find a decent scarf for a few pound and worked my way back towards home.  Stopped in a pub, The Well, for Sunday Roast, then the tube, and another pub, The Volunteer, for a Martini (which I had to teach the young bar keep how to make!).

Lastly to home and a good read of the day’s news with evening dramas on the Beeb.

No photos, it was cold and I was not really inspired to take any.

Ta!

London Journal – Day 6 – Influency

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fluency triangle

The whole point of this kind of travel — long stays, apartment living, eating in — is the development of fluency, cultural, language, etc. I know that I have abominable fluency right now. I find myself switching my fork from left hand to right, for example, or pronouncing a word with American vowel sounding or emphasis. Much of this is to be expected, but some of it is getting annoying.

True fluency means making the proper adjustment without thinking about it. An example here is currency. I have made a nearly effortless transition to the bills and coins of the realm, but I still cannot stop myself from thinking about how much it is in dollars. The 2:1 ratio is just too tempting to perform, and too daunting once performed. When last I was here the exchange rate was some strange figure like 1.45:1, so it was easier to just give up. I know, in my rational mind, that I should just ignore the exchange rate, for the most part, since things just cost more here which tends in most cases to offset the exchange rate. That’s why you don’t hear of people flying here from New York to do their shopping, but you do hear of Brits flying to New York to do theirs. They are getting a double benefit of cheaper prices and a favourable exchange rate.

See what I did there, that spelling of “favourable?” That is not just affectation (tho it is partly) it is part of trying to gain the fluency, to get into the mindset of how things are spelt, or pronounced, etc.

But, back to my point on currency. I will know I have gained some fluency when I stop the seemingly automatic translation into dollars of every sum I pay. I know that things are dearer here, and that is that. Belabouring the point doesn’t help me or my wallet. I still must eat, pay admissions, transit fees, etc. The offsetting side of the equation is that if you live here you will tend, in the most, to get paid respectively higher than you would in the US. Also, expectations of lifestyle are different.

I was alarmed today to read a number in discussions on private debt. Much has been made in the US press of the rapidly rising personal debt load. A year ago in the US it was about $5,800/person, a few months ago it had risen to $9,900. That is alarming. Now, consider this: In the UK the average personal debt is over £29,000/person! Imagine, in a country where the exchange rate is what it is, yes with higher incomes but also with higher taxes, prices, and everything else. That is a frightening number.

Here is another element of fluency. I am a seasoned pedestrian, and I am well versed in the different cadences and meters of pedestrian life, whether I am in Milwaukee, Madison, New York or Chicago. I know when to step off a curb and when to stay put. Key is that I know to always try to make eye contact with the driver, otherwise you cannot tell if they see you. When I was here last I commented that it took me three days before I realized that I was making eye contact with the passengers not the drivers. I felt the fool. That is a lesson I have learned.

This whole left/right thing is still a struggle. You simply do not realize just how deeply engrained the whole stay-right thing is until you are in a place where everyone else is taught to stay left. It is not just driving, such a social norm translates to walking, stairs, escalators, etc. You are so used to looking to your left when you step off a curb, and you simply must adapt to look right over here or a taxi will teach you swiftly.

I could go on and on. Don’t worry, I’ve just about spent my will on this one.

Let’s just leave it that my goal is to require a two day adjustment period when I return, to not get killed by a bus.

No photos today. I’ll write a diary entry later.

Ta!

London Journal – Day 5 – Her Royal Majesty’s Sunset

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My full days are taking a toll. My back is killing me (it was bad before I traveled) and a lot of it has to do with the fact that my flat, which obviously belongs to a younger man than I, is all unconventional seating, etc. The bed/sofa is a folded up pair of futons with duvet and cushions. There is no desk, as such, and no “easy chair”. I am not complaining, that’s just how it is.

Here the rejoinder to “Fig Tree” from yesterday:
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I went down to Hyde Park Corner to watch the sunset over Hyde Park, and enjoyed the stroll up the park to Marble Arch with a cuppa and my camera for company. Here are a pair shots of that lovely view:

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It was bloody cold out, so at Marble Arch I hopped onto a double-decker and headed back up to Marylebone. Here’s shots from the top deck:

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Home again, to write some more and rest up for the day of rest.

Ta!

London Journal – Day 5 – Smoke From Sherlock’s Pipe

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I had a wonderful night at the theatre last evening, The Playhouse Theatre, to see “Ring Round the Moon.” It was a charming twist on a drawing room comedy, taking place in a winter garden rather than the drawing room. I shan’t review it here other than to say that is was a nice way to spend an evening.

I was met in stalls by Glen and Vivianna, the charming couple from Toronto whom I met on line at Tkts earlier in the day. Neither of us had realized we’d be sitting together, but it was a pleasant surprise. We chatted before curtain, and during the intervals. They are only in London for the weekend. It was nice to make some new friends.

After the show it was back to the flat, and a couple of hours work.

This morning brought me out to Portobello Road to experience the market stalls and antiques dealers there. What a mass/mess of humanity:

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Hundred upon hundred of people throng to the site to hunt for bargains. There are rough geographical boundaries from south to north, from antiques to fruit & veggie, flea market, and crafts. I am proud that I actually made it the whole way, tho I was pleased to duck out when I got to the overground tracks. Here is some of the more gimmicky new and repro stuff:

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I did buy a small vase for myself, (shown here next to my iPod Nano)
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and cherries, oranges and some spinach & feta burek for dinner.

Here is a little guy who just wanted to take a nap:

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The crowd is a real mish-mash of nationalities and languages. I heard French, Italian, Spanish, Russian, Polish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese… I stopped into a butcher shop briefly and caught this exchange:

Overheard in London:
Butcher, holding up rib roast to show to older gentleman and speaking slowly: One rib is the smallest amount I can sell you sir.

Older gentleman is silent

Other customer: What language do you speak sir?

Older gentleman: I speak English, son, I’m just thinking about it.

I just couldn’t help but snap this shot, a kind of recursive camera thingy:

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The trip back to the flat is circuitous due to a fire alert at Baker Street Station. I am on the Hammersmith & City, so this is a problem. No trains will stop at Baker Street. I get off at Paddington Station, which is one of the large stations of the system, along with Kings Cross/St. Pancras, Marylebone, and some others. These stations share the feature of connecting British Rail with the Underground. Paddington is huge and broad and a traveler like myself, one who is new to the station, can get easily frustrated by the lack of way finding signage, which is so abundant throughout the rest of the Underground. I find the Bakerloo line, finally, which gets me back to Marylebone station, which is close to home, closer, in fact, than Baker Street.

Updated with photos: 19:40 16/02/2008

London Journal – Day 4 – The Hallway of Heaven

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Okay, I am finally in sync with local time (6 hours ahead for those of you who are wondering) and I got up bright and early to cook myself a breakfast of bacon and eggs and a pot of coffee. The eggs were a mess, as I’m not used to the “hob” (cooktop) or the peculiar non-stick skillet, but I got the job done and ate well. Then it was off to Camden Town to take a look at how badly damaged it was in last weekend’s fire. Today was the grand re-opening for those parts that survived.

Camden Town is off the northeast corner of Regent’s Park, and my flat is near the southwest corner, so I entered the park, grabbed a latte to keep my hands warm, and stalked off across the park. It was cold this morning, probably about 2 or 3° C, or around 38° F. Brrr

When I emerged from the park I found myself in a very different district than Marylebone. Camden Town is a depressed area, and it shows. It is very mod, and has that kind of feel you get in the Bohemian centers of many cities, such as Riverwest, in Milwaukee, or State Street, in Madison, or, well, the old Village in New York (before Giulianni/Bloomberg). I stopped into a “Fresh & Wild” which is the UK tradename for “Whole Foods”. I just had to see how it was. It was odd to see this modern icon of big corporate meets green wedged into a dilapidated building in Camden Town. I bought some truffles and left (they have the best prices on organic truffles).

Here is what I found as I approached Camden Locks, which is the former locks, stables and yards where the open-air/indoor market sprawls over an area roughly equivalent to about 12 US city blocks. The damaged area is about 1 or 2 square blocks:

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The fashion mongers seemed to have survived the best. There are a mix of vintage, resale and new fashions, with a really wonderful, whimsical style. I liked this set of styles:

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Here is the shell of the Hawley Arms, a pub very popular with the stylish set, Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse among them. The place was a total loss inside, which is a shame as the owners had decorated with a number of pieces of original artwork, which went up in smoke. They swear to rebuild.

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After poking through the open stalls, I headed out. Many vendors were still loading in merchandise as I left. Some stalls are not secure enough to leave the product in them, others suffered too much smoke or water damage.

Next it was down to Leicester Square on the tube where I stood on line at the Tkts booth with a lovely couple from Toronto. I lucked out with another “single in stalls;” Row L again, to see Ring Round the Moon this evening. With fees and all it cost about $40US. Not bad for a West End show. With my evening booked it was back to the Northern line for a ride down to Waterloo/South Bank. The Hayward Gallery has a pair of shows that caught my eye: Alexander Rodchenko and Laughing in a Foreign Language.

Upon my entry to the South Bank Arts compound, I saw this placard up on the wall and just had to take a shot:

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I really enjoyed both exhibits. Laughing is an interesting examinations of cultural differences in humour. Some of it put me off, such as a film which most struck me for the air of cultural superiority displayed by the filmmaker as he traipsed around through different cultures. Some of what he did was funny, but much of it just seemed insensitive. There were many video pieces, which were interesting, but some were just too long (one was 59 minutes!). My favorite pieces were a series of scribbles on a wall at the landing of a stairway (can’t recall the artist); “Born as a Box” by Shimabuku and “Wet Paint Handshakes, 24.01.08 6:30 pm – 8:30 pm” by Norwegian Rod Varra. The former is a simple taped up cardboard box which contains a CD player and speakers, from which we hear, spoken by the artist in English, “Hello, I’m a box. Just a box. Some people may think its a rough existence, but I rather like it…” and on, a kind of existential riff. Rather good really.

Handshakes was wonderful, I’ll try to do it justice here. What you see is a video monitor, a black tuxedo jacket the front of which is covered with white paint (and obvious hand prints) hangs on the wall above a pair of paint spattered black patent leather shoes. On the floor is butcher’s paper, a pair of large wash basins full of milky white water, an empty paint pail, and many drip marks. On the video we see the artist, a stoic 55 year old man, wearing the tuxedo. He dips his hand into the paint and then reaches it out. A visitor to the exhibit opening tentatively shakes his hand, and then proceeds to a wash basin to clean the paint off their own. The artist never cleans the paint off his hand, so the paint just gets thicker and thicker on it. As the later guests shake his hand you can watch as their grip sinks their fingers deep into the layers of wet paint on the artist’s hand.

No photos allowed. 🙁

Back out on the South Bank, I took these shots of the Jubilee bridge and the trees and other geometric objects surrounding it.

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Before we leave the South Bank, here is a bit of scrawl from a bench. I hope Ivy appreciated this bloke’s apology:

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The Jubilee bridge takes you to the Embankment and then spills out near Covent Garden. From there, with a stop for fish and chips (it being Friday, after all) brought me back to Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery. I didn’t spend long there, just long enough to enjoy the wonderful collection of van Gogh, Cezannes, Pissaro, Seurat, etc. All my old impressionist pals. That’s about as modern as they get. I think I’ll find more to enjoy at Tate Modern, maybe next week.

On the way back home from Marylebone Station, came across this little sign:

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Ta!

An Inconsistent Truth

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Over at The New Republic the other day, Jonathan Chait penned a piece about just how much Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) has changed his positions over the years.  Not just once, but twice, he has significantly re-invented himself.  Here is my favorite paragraph so far:

Republicans who fought the legislative battles of those days now regard the prospect that McCain could become their party’s standard-bearer with incredulity. These figures are stumbling around in rage and disbelief, like Jimmy Stewart in It’s A Wonderful Life discovering that his beloved hometown has been taken over by Henry Potter. Former Senate Republican Conference chairman Rick Santorum bitterly noted that “almost at every turn, on domestic policy, John McCain was not only against us, but leading the charge on the other side.” Former House speaker Dennis Hastert–in what, by his somnolent Midwestern standards, counts as an angry tirade–complained that McCain usually “allied with Democrats.”
Maverick Vs. Iceman

Thanks to Tom Regan over at NPR for turning me onto this article.

London Journal – Day 3: Out And About

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Another day in London and I find myself in Piccadilly Circus for the first time this visit. The first time really out of my neighbourhood, for that matter. Here’s an obligatory tourist shot of Piccadilly:

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Then it was off Leicester Square to find the National Portrait Gallery. I saw an ad in Vanity Fair for an exhibition of portraits from the magazine’s first century:

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Now where is that gallery?? I wandered quite a bit before I found it. Meanwhile, came across some interesting sights. Here is an incongruous image of Chinese lanterns hanging in front of The Crooked Surgeon:

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Remember I commented on the over-courteous construction sites? Well, here is further proof of just how seriously they take it:

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Finally found the gallery, and the show was a treat. Also got to see the “Photographic Portrait Prize 2007” show, which had some really sharp up and comers on display.



One of the odd things about Central London is how close everything is. From Piccadilly Circus to Leicester Square is just a couple of blocks, and then to the NPG is a couple more, then from NPG to Trafalgar Square is only a block or so. You just keep stumbling from one to another, whether you mean to or not. I didn’t plan on going to Trafalgar today, but took a wrong turn out of the NPG and found myself there. I’ll go back another day, but for today got another obligatory tourist shot (of tourists getting their own obligatory…)

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At Covent Garden found mysterious queues of foreign kids in various places. They just as oddly dispersed, but I found another large crowd making all sorts of racket. Took me a moment to realize that there was a busker in their midst who was urging them on in competition with another large crowd getting the same treatment from another busker on the other side of the Garden. Quite a little shoutfest going there.

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Now, why was it I came here? Oh yeah, the big heart:

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The shops put this up to attract valentines celebrating folk to come and get their photos snapped under the pink boughs. Hopefully they’ll shop a bit too. Not far away a pub in St. Paul’s is advertising a “Sad & Single” event tonight, for the other half (or two thirds).

Then off across the Waterloo bridge (locals several steps behind me, “What bridge is this? Mum, do you know what bridge this is?””Wish I did.” Alas they were too far back for me to tell) to the Old Vic. Got an 11th row center seat to see “Speed The Plow” a week from Saturday, or Saturday week, as the locals would say. Ooh goody!

Back to the flat to rest up a bit. It has been a cold day for traipsing around, and it will be good to get back. Note to self: Regardless how easy it looks, never try to briskly ascend the staircase from the Bakerloo line into Marylebone Station! I felt like the guy on the “Danger of Death” placard.

Ta!