Fortune’s Pawn

Pawn was in a deli this morning, having breakfast, and another diner came in and took his seat at the counter. He leaned in conspiratorially and asked the waitress if she wanted to hear an Obama joke. He then proceeded to tell it.

Obama goes up to heaven and approaches the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is there waiting for him.
St. Peter: Can I help you?
Obama: I’m President Barack Obama.
St. Peter: You were president? I don’t think so.
Obama: Yes sir, I was.
St. Peter: When were you inaugurated?
Obama: Ten minutes ago.

The waitress looked at him with a blank expression. “Get it - he got assassinated. Ha, haha”

Pawn was inclined to offer this version of the joke:

McCain goes up to heaven and approaches the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is there waiting for him.
St. Peter: Can I help you?
McCain: I’m President John McCain.
St. Peter: You were president? I don’t think so.
McCain: Yes sir, I was.
St. Peter: When were you inaugurated?
McCain: Ten minutes ago.

Get it - he keeled over dead with a heart attack, or was it cancer…

Let’s face it, if the joke is offensive and just as unfunny when the shoe is on the other foot, then maybe it doesn’t need to be told.

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Twenty Something Chick: Did Snow White give you a happy ending?

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Customer: I’ll have an Amsteil Light, 2 rum & Cokes and what kinds of mandarin vodka do you have?

Bartender: Mandarin?!?

Landmark Lanes, Friday night

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Nellie McKay to audience, during interactive portion of concert: Now try to cry if you can… Think of the saddest thing you can… Like Anne Coulter holding a puppy… or Dick Cheney’s smile.

( Audience member groans loudly)

Nellie: What, you like Dick Cheney? (under her breath) Ugh, Midwest…

*Note: I would have included a photo of Anne Coulter holding a puppy, but such an image apparently doesn’t exist.

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Overdressed, pretty-lady: I don’t want to eat too much and get fat, you know. There’s only one place you want fat, and that’s here. I have just enough there, don’t you think?

Older gentleman: (mumbled response)

Pretty-lday: Oh, so you like Sherrie do you?

Overheard at Dehli restaurant during lunch buffet. Couple was seated behind Pawn.

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White Tee-shirt mafia dude #1) What are your grandmother’s names?

WTMD #2) Mercedes and Unice

WTMD #1) Mercedes is like a stripper’s name

WTMD #2) It is so much not a stripper’s name, its my fucking grandmother’s name! Dude!

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